After I broke

I understand the academia pressure. I understand professors can run out of grants at some point. I understand all of that.

I was told that I lost this semester's assistantship because the professor offered the GA position had miscounted her grants and she did not have enough money for hiring me. So, I don't have income now and I have to pay for tuition, etc. I broke.

I was stressed out. If I would pay for education, why would I have chosen Michigan State University? If my parents want to pay for my education, I would not stay in the States. I know they miss me. I do not want to give my parents financial burden and at the same time, they cannot see me in person frequently although they do not think the tuition and expenses are a burden.

Boyfriend was nice to me. He did not say a lot about my broke but he was a good listener. I do not know what I am expecting for from this relationship. I was worried if one day I would lose him for whatever reasons. I hoped I could stay with him all the time so that he would not disappear. He was so sweet to me and I was addicted to his companions. I did not want to lose this relationship because he made me happy. After I broke, I was very sad. I realized that everyone needs something or someone to cheer up. Now, I am more hoping to make him happy instead of let him make me happy. I still value this relationship very much because I want to have opportunities to increase his happiness.