My friend Xiaole once told me that a person who is mature is not about being able to cheat around but to be able to control mood. Xiaole also said that controlling mood is being able to show yourself in front of people you trust and being able to know the anger when it comes to you and try not to hurt your partner because of the anger.
Yesterday, I was having an unproductive day. Doing science sometimes is frustrating because I do not know where I am going in my project and I cannot tell if that was a correct path to take until I put many efforts in doing it. Nonetheless, I finally figured out what I could do with those data. Things ahead looked intense. In the meantime, Franklin went to gym for more than two hours without answering any messages. My friend also asked me to hang out in a bar after 5 pm. I thought I would rather spend the evening with Franklin instead of colleges and he did not answer any phone calls that I could not even know his plans for the evening. So I went home early, in hope that he would be at home.
The inhaler was on the table in our bedroom. I started to worry about him. Why if he had a asthma attack in the gym? What if he needed help? Eventually, I called him and he picked up the phone. I was just surprised how inattentive this guy was and how that would affect my life and schedules so much. I could have done more work in the office and hanged out with friends afterwards. Instead, I refused friends, went back home, ate dinner alone and spent another unproductive evening!
Oh, with all pressures from graduate school, I unfortunately shouted at him. I realized it right away. It's not because of he speaking about trips or not being home with me, it's because of pressure from attending meetings and getting things tougher for graduation (which is not fully under my control).
It's hard not to show my anger or frustration but I hope I can be better at controlling my bad mood in the future.
